The Princess Story

I watched the live action Cinderella the other day and I absolutely LOVED it! And it did relatively well in the box office from what I heard, which is a pretty fantastic achievement, especially in this day and age where girls are meant to be shown as tough and empowered and not just waiting around for a man. But you know what? Maybe sometimes I do want to watch a (for lack of a better term) Cinderella story! Where the girl who has nothing, gets everything! And really, the tag line of that story is pretty important for any person of any age of any race of any gender:

I mean, who can argue with that? It's a pretty great 'moral of the story' compared to some others that I've seen in movies these days! But I also know so many people who have poo-poo'd this movie just because it's another Princess movie.

Now I've never been one to want to be a princess and I was never described as being a girly-girl (except by my dad about 2 hours ago when he noted my voice sounded girlier than usual??) and I even called my dog, Mulan, after the Disney princess who freakin' saved China! But that doesn't mean that I look down my nose at movies like Cinderella. I loved my Disney Channel Original movies that were all pretty much the same, and I grew up watching classic Disney movies like Cinderella and The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin. And yes, a lot of those princesses were the epitome of what a woman should be back in the day that it was released. But beneath it all, they were pretty strong women.

Take Snow White, yes she literally slept while her prince saved her, but she was also targeted because she was nice and kind and fair. In fact she was the fairest of them all. Aren't they great traits to have? And Belle. She was laughed at because she had her nose in a book all the time and her father was a little on the crazy side. But did that stop her from being herself? No! She freakin' saved her dad from a freakin' beast! And then saw the goodness behind the scary mask. Again, I would love to see the world like Belle does. And of course, I can't forget Cinderella, who became an orphan as a young girl and got stuck with terrible step sisters and a step mother who treated her like a servant. But still, amongst all this hardship, she remained positive and nothing could break her spirit.

So I ask again, what's wrong with the princess story? What's wrong with wanting to find your prince and your happily ever after? Today with all the feminism stories going around saying you don't need a man to be happy and you're strong as a female! I remember that always made me feel bad because growing up, I wanted to have a strong husband who was going to be a good father to my children and be able to support me well throughout our life together. That was what was going to make me happy. I wanted my own princess story where the guy would sweep me off my feet. I loved my Rom Coms and was always waiting for the day where my own Rom Com would happen.

 And you know what? I did end up getting my own fairytale and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I don't feel like I'm diminished as a female anymore now than when I did when I was single. I was confident with who I was and who I wanted to be, and having my beautiful strong man around who complemented me and helped me grow was, to me, an added bonus, not a setback.

More than the colour of her skin!

So one of the biggest news I've heard recently is the fact that Misty Copeland has been promoted to principal dancer at the American Ballet Theatre!

And if you don't know who Misty is...

She is such an inspirational woman who has overcome all the adversities in her life and even though the odds were NOT in her favour, she still rose above it all to become principal dancer at the American Ballet Theatre!!

But do you know what my FB page was littered with when news broke that she was promoted?
"Misty Copeland on becoming American Ballet Theatre's first black principal"
"Misty Copeland makes history as first black female principal dancer at ABT"
"...the courageous black ballerina..."

And maybe it's because I'm not American, and I don't quite get the whole African American history and everything, but I just thought that the way to defy racism is not to openly promote that she is the first "black" principal dancer, but to promote that she has been promoted to principal dancer, someone who is an inspiration DESPITE her skin colour!

I was first introduced to Misty with the above video, where she narrates her rejection letter saying that she was the 'wrong body type' and she was 'too old' but all I could see was the strength in her body, the absolute fluidity in the way she moved and the freedom she expresses when she danced. Not the colour of her skin. To be honest, the thought that she was African American didn't even cross my mind! But what annoys me is that nobody else seems to be able to get over this fact!

Again, it could be because I'm not American, but I don't know, shouldn't the fact that she has overcome all this adversity in her life to be who she wants to be enough? Should the fact that her skin is dark come into play at all? It's like they're making the fact that she's black another adversity that she had to overcome, when really, it shouldn't be like that. Black people are not the ONLY poor people in America. There are plenty of other people who are just as inspiring as Misty, who have also overcome terrible childhoods to become something incredible, and they have all come from different races. The fact that they were able to keep going despite being abused, or homeless, or were broke is inspiration enough to me.

Just look at J.K. Rowling. She came from a family who's mum was dealing with MS and dad wasn't around. She went into poverty whilst writing the Harry Potter books and look at her now. Doesn't matter if she's white, black, yellow, or red, she rose from nothing and became something. Same with Richard Branson (who was dyslexic), Walt Disney (who went through a period of unemployment), and, of course, Oprah Winfrey - though again, because she's African American everyone focuses on the colour of her skin.

To me, I just think that if you keep labeling Misty Copeland (and anybody else with similar stories), as the first black person to become principal dancer at ABT, then how is racism and discrimination going to be eradicated? Because isn't it all about labeling others based on their appearance? I would prefer people to recognise Misty Copeland as a beautiful dancer who has overcome a terrible upbringing and has made something of herself. Because she really is!

The Entitled Generation

This subject has been long talked about and discussed and argued, but in recent weeks I've had an abundance of "entitled" kids come through the doors and I am absolutely sick of it!

To start off with, I don't have any kids of my own (just two furry babies), and maybe I don't have a right to have a say in this topic until I have my own children, but until I stop dealing with these kinds of kids, then I will stop having an opinion about it!

I am just sick and tired of meeting kids who think that the world revolves around them. And it's not their fault, it's their parents who have given them anything that they want. And yes, I get it, you want the best for your children, but giving them everything they ever want is just going to produce entitled children. Ok, maybe not 100% of the time, but most of the time!

Let me explain what I mean about the 'entitled' children. I mean the children who believe that just because they are here, they deserve everything right at their fingertips. And parents will fight tooth and nail to give them everything without teaching them important life skills like respecting your elders, and even though you might have everything you want, to be humble and basically just KNOW how lucky they are! Not just expect everyone to bend to their every need without them working for it.

I saw it when I was teaching dancing and I see it now when I'm looking after children. Every parent wants their child to feel better and they bring their child into hospital expecting the nurses and doctors to wave their magic wand and make everything better. Sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Sometimes we do have to make them upset while putting oxygen on so that they can breathe properly. Sometimes we have to suction out all their snot so that they can breathe while they feed. Sometimes we have to put an NG tube down their nose so that they will stay hydrated. And unfortunately, sometimes we do have to insert an IV cannula into their little arms (and sometimes legs) so that they can receive life changing medications.

And you know what? We don't want to do any of this! Nobody wants to be a paediatric nurse so that they can make children cry! We do it so that we can see those smiles on the child's face when they feel better, and the laughs that we hear, and the best hugs anybody can receive from a child who is now feeling better. And one of the worst things about my job would have to be when the parents stop us from doing our job because they don't want their child crying.

And this just isn't children in hospital, it's children everywhere. There was a time when teachers were allowed to actually teach the children in the way that they saw fit. Now teachers have to teach on eggshells so that their students don't tell their parents that they've done something wrong and get the teacher in trouble! I find parents just don't want to discipline their child anymore!

Instead of admitting that their child isn't perfect (which no child is), they blame everybody else for their child's short-comings! Well how about turning that finger and pointing it to yourself? And I guess that extends out to the rest of society as well. We LOVE to point the finger and place the blame somewhere that's not near ourselves! But that's another rant for another time! And don't even get me started on giving children iPads and phones to keep them 'quiet'. But again, another rant for another time!

I just find that nowadays, kids can get away with murder. Nothing is their fault and everything should come easily to them. Why? Because it can. Parents don't want to be the parent anymore, they want to be their child's friend. They want to be the 'cool' parent, the one that their kid can turn to if anything goes wrong, the one that will let the child do anything they want. And yes, that can work in some cases, but in most cases that I've seen, the child just grows up spoilt with no respect for their parents and then the parents are left thinking, what did I do wrong?

I remember as a child my parents always gave me everything I needed and I was never want of anything. They gave me a warm house, toys to play with, opportunities to go out and find a sport I enjoyed, always drove me to and from school and dance and tennis and karate and anything else I wanted to do, and were always open to doing something that I wanted to do. However, when I did something naughty (which I have to admit, I was an angel child), I would get yelled at and I would be disciplined! If I didn't get a good grade, then it wasn't the teachers fault, it was mine for not studying hard enough. If I didn't get a part in the dance that I wanted, then it was because the teachers knew best and maybe if I tried a little harder it would be me they would choose and not Jess! (This happened when I was probably around 6 or 7 and I still remember that!). They were always on my side but they also taught me that if I wanted something, then I would have to put some hard work in myself or it just wouldn't happen!

I was very sick in hospital when I was a tween and instead of letting me wallow in self pity, they made me always say thank you to the doctors and nurses and be polite to them. Never did they let me not take any medication, even if it made me sick. Never did they let me get away with anything! Well, to be honest, they were probably more lenient than usual, but my sick, 13 year old self wanted them to basically let me do whatever I wanted. Sometimes I didn't want to say thank you because a nurse put a needle in my arm, but no matter how petulant I was, my parents still made me do it! And I'm glad they did, because it taught me a life lesson. But I cannot count how many times sick children get away with everything just because 'they're sick'. I still remember my parents whispering in my ear that I had to be strong to fight this illness. They didn't leave it all up to the doctors and nurses to cure me, they were telling me that I had to put some hard work to be able to get better. Sound familiar?

And sure, don't be a total hard-ass to your kids, but maybe teaching them some basic manners and respect will ensure your child doesn't grow up just expecting everything to fall in their laps. Because in the real world, it doesn't. And yet, I still see adults in their early 20s expecting jobs and offers to fall in their laps. And when it doesn't? Then it's the companies fault for not hiring them. Or the person who was hiring just hired someone they knew. Never is it because they weren't motivated enough for the job.

But I am stereotyping here. I have met some wonderful families, and some wonderful children, and some wonderful adults. But I do find that the common factor between all these people is the way their parents brought them up. With love, kindness, respect and a healthy dose of discipline. It goes a long way!

p.s. Thank you to my parents who brought me up the best way they knew how!

An open letter to all hospitals

Dear hospitals,

Recently I have seen appalling behaviour from both doctors and nurses towards each other, and so I thought I would pen this letter to all those who work in the hospital setting.

It is all about team work!

No one person and no one profession is better than the other in the hospital setting. Every single person and every single profession brings something unique and extremely important in making the hospital work smoothly and making those patients feel better. Because isn't that what it's all about?

Ego's do not fit inside a building whose main goal is to provide the best quality care to patients who come through it. Putting others down is not going to achieve anything except in house fighting while you have someone's life in your hands. Constantly undermining others causes the patient to not have confidence in anybody in their health care team.

And I'm not just talking about doctors here. I have seen my fair share of nurses who have let their ego's get in the way which led to patient care bearing the brunt of it. I have also seen pharmacists, physiotherapists, and cleaners grumble and moan about doctors, nurses, pharmacists, physiotherapists and other cleaners. Yes, complaining and whingeing is a fact of life, but please please PLEASE do not let it get in the way of patient care!

I remember looking after a lovely patient who passed away, and in their note to the hospital, they didn't leave anybody out. Sure, everybody thanks the doctors and the nurses, but this was the only patient that I have seen that thanked the pharmacists, the physiotherapists, the social workers, and even the cleaners. This patient was only 16 years old, and completely wise beyond her years!

Without the cleaners, who would keep the hospital clean? Without the porters and orderlies, who would transport our patients? Without social workers, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, speech pathologists, and dieticians, who would be able to give our patients the specific care they need to get home safely? Without pharmacists, who would dispense our medications and ensure that all prescriptions are correct? Without doctors, who would make the hard decisions for the best patient care? And of course, without nurses, who would look after our patients 24/7?

You see, everybody makes an important contribution to the hospital and no one person is better than the other. Even parents and family members who come in are a valuable member of the team because who would know the patient better than their families?

So please, if you work in a hospital setting, please respect your fellow workers, no matter who they are. I feel that the orderlies and cleaners get missed so much, even though they are an integral part of the team. So the next time an orderly transports your patient, or runs across the hospital to get you that medication for your patient, or a cleaner has just emptied the trash or cleaned a room, please say thank you. It takes two seconds to say with a smile, but hopefully it will mean so much to that person.

I guess, all I wanted to say to all those people who work in the hospital, pull your heads out of your own asses and have this realisation: You are NOT the most important person in that hospital. You are only a part of a very important team.

Thank you,
Bellawen

It's time to talk about Mental Health

So this past week I've had to look after a few patients that had mental health issues, and it really hit me how many people, even now, still have a prejudiced view of mental health and those dealing with mental health issues.

Having a chat about it to my boyfriend made me realise how much people have used the word "depression" synonymously with being extremely sad or upset. And yes, for those people who are just feeling very strong emotions of being sad and low, just thinking of something happy and cheering yourself up will work. But for those who are actually suffering from depression, it involves so much more than just 'cheering yourself up'. People also say that they're 'bipolar' when they feel emotions of happy and sad at the same time or in close proximity to each other. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't use those words (mainly because I think everything's becoming too politically correct these days), but I think everyone should know the difference when describing actual mental health issues as opposed to feeling strong emotions and that this distinction is so important because when people say they have depression, I see people roll their eyes and just start expecting this person to just want attention as opposed to wanting to help them.

I find this is way more prevalent when the person is a teenager. All of a sudden, you get the whole, "Oh they're just being an attention seeking teenager". Even if they were, self harming or suicidal ideations or thoughts are still something to be worried about. They still will need someone to talk to, someone they can trust, and someone who won't just think that they're doing it for attention. Because you don't want to be the one who could have helped that person, only to brush them off thinking they were just being a typical teenager.

And this happened to me the other day. I was looking after a 16 year old patient who had come in for different reasons but had a history of overdosing on paracetamol and self harming. Now, on an acute medical ward, it is VERY hard to find time to sit down and scratch your head let alone sit down with a patient and talk to them. But on this particular day, I just happened to be free and I managed to sit down and have a chat with my patient and we ended up talking for about an hour. During this time I was thanking the Gods above that I had worked on an adolescent mental health ward and they had taught me a few good skills! What to ask, what not to ask, what to suggest, etc. I could feel that with every minute this patient felt more and more comfortable and the information just flowed out! The amount I got from just that one hour was incredible and it made me see my patient a little clearer. They were basically a really good kid in a really f***ed up situation and they didn't know how to deal or who to turn to.

But one of the biggest things that stuck out in my mind during this conversation was that they felt they were already diagnosed with another overdose or self harm situation before they even reached the ward. In Emergency, due to this patients' history, they asked if this patient had overdosed on something. Not, "What medications are you on?", but "What medication did you take?". And yes, I know this is hearsay, but this is what the patient felt. And then being admitted onto the ward, the patient still felt that some of the doctors and nurses assumed that the patient was lying about taking any medications and was just hiding the truth so that they could get more attention. On top of that, we got the patient a psych review, and because the psych team usually deal with adults who already have established mental health issues and are probably more pressing to them, they were just happy the patient didn't want to (and also didn't) kill themselves! So they pretty much did nothing.

I feel this is one of the biggest problems facing mental health these days. People are so focused on the adults that already have mental health issues and forget that they had to come from somewhere. And at 16 years old, this is the best time to start preventing and dealing with it before this patient goes down a long road of self harming and suicide attempts and multiple admissions into hospital only to bounce back because they didn't get the right treatment at the very beginning. Isn't that what people say to deal with diseases? Prevention is better than treatment. So why is it different for mental health?

There is still such a stigma associated with mental health and this stigma, I feel, is much worse when the patient is a teenager. This is really the time when you should be teaching your kids how to deal with things, teach them coping strategies and support them along the way. Show them where they can turn to and not feel upset if they don't turn to you, just show them that you care enough that they are actively seeking help. I'm sure everyone has experienced the emotional turmoil that is adolescence, and yes, majority of teenagers don't have mental health issues, but there are those that do. And I know, for myself, I don't want to be the one who could have prevented that one teenager from going down the long road that is mental health, but turned my back on them because they were just being a "typical teenager". But hey, that's just me.

Equality for all

I have always believed that everything should be fair and equal. Is this a naive assumption? Possibly. But it shouldn't be!

In light of everything that's happened in Ireland (yay!) and what's happening in Australia (hmmm) I thought I would write about why marriage equality is so important!

Now my boyfriend asked me the other week, it's just a piece of paper, so why do the LGBT community want to legalise marriage? Surely a promise ceremony is just as important? And for awhile, I was a little tongue-tied. Sure I replied with the - "well it's not fair that we can get married and they can't". But in this day and age where de-facto marriages means you're pretty much essentially married, but without the piece of paper saying you are, then why is a piece of paper so important?

I racked my brain trying to think of a good example as to why it's just "not fair" that the LGBT community aren't allowed to marry without sounding like a petulant child stamping her foot and screwing up her face saying "It's not fair!" It took awhile, but I finally thought of an example that made even my stubborn boyfriend think, 'Oh, ok!' (p.s. he LOVES dogs, especially his own)

So I put this forward to him, how would you feel if you didn't own your dog? You had him, you looked after him, you trained him, you did everything you are doing right now with your dog, but you never signed any piece of paper saying that your dog belongs to you. They will always belong to the breeder. And the breeder will do everything that you're doing. The only difference would be that on paper, they actually owned the dog, and you didn't. That's when it clicked for him.

You see, it's not just about that piece of paper. It's about so much more than that! It's about the fundamentals of being a human being. Who are we to say that people can't marry? Because it makes us uncomfortable? Because it's "not right"? And the one thing that really gets my blood boiling is, 'Because a child needs a mother AND a father'.

As a paediatric nurse (and a dance teacher prior to that), I have had my fair share of dealing with different types of family and not all of them had a mother and a father. Some had just a father, some had one mother, some had two mothers, two fathers, two mothers AND two fathers, some just had grandparents. Especially in this day and age where the conventional nuclear family is the rare occurrence as opposed to the norm. I have seen kids being neglected who had a mother and a father, I've seen kids who were in an unsafe environment who had two mothers or two fathers. Conversely, I have seen wonderful kids being brought up by a mother and a father, and I have seen wonderful kids being brought up by two mothers or two fathers. The child doesn't NEED a mother and a father, a child NEEDS to be loved and cared for in a safe environment. Isn't that more important? Shouldn't more of our resources go into child protection instead of wasting our time fighting for something that should already be legal?

I'm hoping fifty years from now, our children's children will look back on this time with our fight for marriage equality and go, how silly was that fight? Just like we do when we look back at history and see the fight for women and people of different races to do something as simple as vote. Yes the fight still continues, even today (which is a whole other ridiculous thing), but they have come a long way since the days people crossed the road because they didn't want to walk on the same side as a coloured person. We all need to stop fighting for equality because underneath it all, we're all the same! There are bad and good people in every race, religion, country, gender, and sexual preference. We need to stop judging books by their covers.

People die - even in TV shows!

Yes... The title sounds very morbid... But it's a fact of life!

So I was watching the last episode of Orphan Black (S03E06) and...

Paul freakin' dies! I mean... WHAT?!?!?!?! In hindsight, I probably should have seen it coming, seeing as they had scenes from S01E01 in the 'Previously on...' section and I was wondering why they were showing Beth and Paul and all that. But still... It had me floored!

For awhile though, I was thinking, he'll survive. Surely they won't kill of Paul (and by proxy, Paul's abs)! He gets stabbed - he can still survive... He gets shot - people have come back from worse... He blows himself up TO SAVE THE ONE HE LOVES - yeah... There's no coming back from that...

Or is there??

No, not for Paul and (hopefully) Orphan Black won't give him a surprise revival, because, like the title says, people die! And I feel like there is an overabundance of shows these days that 'kill' off a big character... Just to have them magically come back to life! And no, I'm not talking The Walking Dead...

One such example of this is The Vampire Diaries... I think I've lost count how many 'near death' experiences every single person in this show has had! Bonnie herself has had a few deaths! Then Elena dies but oh no, oh no, she has vampire blood in her system! And Jeremy gets stabbed and drained of blood... That's ok, Bonnie's there to save the day. But who will save Bonnie? How convenient, we can make her the anchor and yay! She's alive! But then Stefan gets his heart ripped out... But again, the travellers can bring people back from the dead so they'll just use that spell to bring Stefan, Alaric, and Elena back from the dead! Not to mention Cole! And then omg, Bonnie and Damon are trapped and have they died? No, no, it's a prison world and luckily for Bonnie, she gets her witchy powers back and she can bring them back to the world of the living. I mean seriously? The first few times was pretty good... But now I can't take anything this show puts out seriously. Have they actually killed that character? Or will they just come back when it's convenient? Not to mention all the plot holes that they have! It's like the writers have completely forgotten the plots of several stories they've written and they've made up new ones to suit their needs at that moment in time!

I've gone off on a tangent grumbling about The Vampire Diaries... Which I will still watch the next season, mainly because it's the last one and if I've gone this far, I might as well finish it off!

But one of my favourite shows of all time has been Daredevil! The Netflix series, not the Ben Affleck Daredevil movie (which I didn't think was all that bad when I first watched it tbh). And I think what I've liked about that show is that they weren't afraid to actually kill off characters! It wasn't just senseless killing but killings that made the show move forward in plot and always made me wonder what was going to happen next and how were these characters going to deal with this? And for me, it just made the series more realistic. People die, people deal with it, people move on (with a vengeance). There's no surprise revivals, there's no "Oh, I was in the witness protection program", and there's definitely no magic behind it!

It was real and it was raw and it was an amazing TV show!

I know there are plenty of other TV shows that fall into both categories, these were just the two that stood out in my mind. I just think that if a TV show wants to be realistic (even with vampires, werewolves and witches), then they shouldn't be scared of killing people off. If you're in a war, supernatural or not, then people from both sides are going to die, not just the "bad guys".